Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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