why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
