she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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