They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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