I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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