We named our party play list daddy issues
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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