is your mom at the bar?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I want to be your penis for a week.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
