you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
