Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
