My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
