i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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