is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
