I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
