her vagine was all disorganized.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
