Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
