I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
