who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i would punch a child for taco bell
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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