I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
