Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
