Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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