Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
