Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
