McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The best revenge is premature balding
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
