HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
