My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
