I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
