i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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