the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My feet surprised me
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
