Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I have already put on my inside pants.
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