it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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