can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
