Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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