She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
