They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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