who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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