I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
