The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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