Umm I'm too high to move.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
