i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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