His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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