dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
