apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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