OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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