And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
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Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
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Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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