Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
