So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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