I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
thus making me awesome and them whores
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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