I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
