I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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