They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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