You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
