I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
