i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
