My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize