The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
