maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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