I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
