Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I checked into jail on foursquare
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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