2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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