I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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