You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
