well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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