So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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