Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
