There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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