I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
