what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
